I Used to Think Rest Had to Be Earned

For most of my life, rest came last.

First the kids. Then work. Then the house, the washing, the emails, the lunches, the messages I'd been meaning to reply to. If there was anything left at the end of the day, then maybe I'd sit down.

There was never anything left.

Rest felt like something I hadn't earned yet

I have anxiety and ADHD, and my brain is very good at finding the next thing that needs doing. Sitting still felt uncomfortable, almost wrong. If I lay down in the middle of the afternoon, a little voice would say, you haven't finished yet.

So I didn't stop. I pushed through tired. I pushed through sore. I told myself I'd rest on the weekend, or the holidays, or "when things calm down".

If you've ever said "when things calm down", you already know: they don't.

What it cost me

I didn't notice it all at once. It crept up on me. I was tired but wired at night, flat in the afternoons, and shorter with the people I love than I ever wanted to be. I was running a full house and a full life on empty, and calling it normal. The worst part was that I wasn't really present with my family, and I was completely exhausted by the end of every day.

The hardest part to admit was that the version of me who never rested wasn't actually helping anyone.

The shift: rest is part of the plan

Things started to change when I stopped treating rest as a reward and started treating it like a priority: something that goes in the diary.

Not hours of it. Little pieces, every day.

Here's what that looks like for me now:

• A pause before I'm empty. I've learnt to stop for a few minutes before I hit the wall, not after.
• Gentle movement on flat days. A walk, a stretch, or a few minutes on the rebounder instead of forcing a big session.
• Lying down without guilt. Ten minutes with my eyes closed, sometimes with my dog curled up beside me, is not lazy. It's maintenance.
• Rainy days are rest days. I love a rainy day. It's my permission slip to slow right down.
• Deep breaths, often. In through the nose, a long slow breath out. It sounds too simple to matter. It matters.
• Checking in with my body. A few times a day I ask: what do I actually need right now? Then I listen to the answer.

I now try to take care of myself like my life depends on it. Because in a lot of ways, it does. And my kids are always watching how I look after myself, so I want to be a good role model for them.

You don't have to earn it either

If you're reading this at the end of a long day, still mentally running through tomorrow's list, I want you to hear this: you don't have to finish everything before you're allowed to rest.

Rest isn't a prize for getting it all done. It's what helps you keep going, and keep showing up for the people you love.

Your small step this week

Pick one small change and put it in your day:

• Ten minutes outside with a cuppa or your favourite drink
• Five minutes lying down with your eyes closed, listening to music you love
• An early night, once a week
• Work out what really has to be done, then share the jobs with your family or leave some for the weekend. A quick 30-minute power session together beats you staying up until all hours
• Look at your to-do list and ask of each thing: is this a must, or a nice-to-have?
• Three slow breaths before you walk into the next room

Start there. Then do it again tomorrow.

Because while you're looking after everyone else, who is looking after you?

You're doing great, and you're stronger than you know.

With love, Odette 🤍
Founder, Restore Co

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This article shares personal experience and general wellbeing information only. It isn't medical advice. If you're struggling with ongoing exhaustion, anxiety or low mood, please speak to your GP or a health professional.